Resources (Good Stuff) - Dr. Charlotte Savage

Whether you’re just looking into therapy, already in therapy, or simply seeking ways to learn and grow, it’s always good to know where good stuff is on mental health and wellness topics. Here is info I’ve put together by category that I think are interesting and helpful on topics by category, from anxiety, perfectionism, medications, abuse, drug/alcohol issues, ADD, depression, bipolar disorder, parenting, PTSD, military/veterans, adjustment, emotional/binge eating, grief and loss, smoking, relationships, dating, etc. PLUS, who doesn’t like a good quiz…so there are some good ones linked here.

*(I do not recommend any of this in place of professional clinical advice. This is for educational purposes only. Use of this does not mean a therapist/patient relationship is formed and it is not provision of psychological services. Please use your good judgment, and consult a professional therapist or psychologist if you are feeling you need professional help in any of these areas. )

LEARNING WHAT THIS VIDEO BELOW TEACHES CAN CHANGE YOUR RELATIONSHIPS…ALL OF THEM:

ABUSE & EMOTIONAL NEGLECT

Adults Surviving Childhood Abuse – http://www.asca.org.au/video/survivors.aspx

What About the Boys? article by Richard Gartner, Ph.D. – http://www.richardgartner.com/fwhatboysZ.html

Talking about sexually abused boys, and the men they become: When difficult talk is healing talk article by Richard Gartner, Ph.D. – http://www.richardgartner.com/Talkingabout.html

Learning to cope with intense emotions, sensations, feeling overwhelmed or numb:

Ichill (also available as an app)

http://www.ichillapp.com/index.html

For a more academic article on resiliency:

Trauma, PTSD, & Resilience: A Review of the Literature by Agaibi and Wilson

http://psychrights.org/research/Digest/CriticalThinkRxCites/AgaibiWilson2005.pdf

ADD (ADHD)

Adult ADD QUIZ http://psychcentral.com/addquiz.htm

Helpful info on Adult ADD http://www.helpguide.org/articles/add-adhd/adult-adhd-attention-deficit-disorder-self-help.htm

Adult ADD and money management http://www.everydayhealth.com/add-adhd/money-management-tips-for-adults-with-adhd.aspx

ADD Diagnosis – The Building Blocks of a Good ADHD Diagnosis – A clinical interview. A physical exam. Rating scales and teacher input. Here’s what comprises a good ADHD diagnosis — and what does not. Detailed article here.

ADD misdiagnosis, Behavior disorders, and PTSD in children are often misdiagnosed

How Childhood Trauma Could Be Mistaken for ADHD by Rebecca Ruiz

The Most Common Misdiagnoses in Children: When symptoms have multiple causes, mistakes are made by Dr. Linda Spiro

ADOPTION

Extensive resources for adoptees, adoptive parents, & birth parents ranging from coping with grief and loss in the adoption process to finding your adoptive identity here

ANXIETY & STRESS

This great video hits some on my approach to anxiety & fears, listening to it, evaluating it, understanding it and examining it and learning from it rather than running from it, suppressing it, or medicating it away:

Free Mindfulness Project – free downloads of guided Mindfulness Exercises: http://www.freemindfulness.org/download

Relaxation APPS you might like:

Breathe2Relax – This app helps make sure you are breathing properly to maximize relaxation http://t2health.dcoe.mil/apps/breathe2relax

Simply Being, Silva Relax, Mindful, Calm, Gratitude
and more: http://appcrawlr.com/ios-apps/best-apps-guided-relaxation

Perfectionism

The Gifts of Imperfection discussion by Brene Brown discussing her book of the same name (http://www.amazon.com/The-Gifts-Imperfection-Supposed-Embrace/dp/159285849X)

Anxiety Quiz http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/mental-health-screen/anxiety

CANCER

Your emotions after a cancer diagnosis – Video

Coping with a cancer diagnosis – Resources

Who can ever understand? Talking about your cancer. – Booklet

CAREGIVERS

Family Caregiver Alliance – Nat’l Center on Caregiving https://www.caregiver.org/

CRISIS

If you are experiencing an emotional crisis, are you are not imminently about to kill yourself or someone else, call your insurance, a local therapist, or google “local low fee counseling centers” and call and ask for an urgent appointment. If they cannot fit you in soon, ask them for numbers of people or centers that might have sooner appointments or walk in appointments.

If you are worried you cannot stop yourself from hurting or killing yourself or someone else, and cannot wait for a scheduled appointment for a therapist, you can:

– Call a trusted person and tell them exactly how you are feeling, sometimes their encouragement is enough to keep you going (still schedule a follow up appointment with a therapist. (Do not expect anyone to sense the tone, read between the lines. Tell them “I am thinking about killing myself.” “I am planning a way to kill someone”

-If that did not help or did not help enough or they don’t take it serious.

Call a 24-7 crisis hotline 1-800-273-8255

Go to your nearest ER

Call 9-11. Every EMT I have ever met takes these things seriously.

ALWAYS follow any of this up with finding a therapist experienced with these things. If your therapist does not help, tell him or her and why, because there is a chance it is not clear you are not getting enough help from the therapy. They may suggest meeting more often, adding in or changing medication, attending an intensive program, or moving to a therapist who is more experienced with persistent depression, persistent suicidal thoughts, or urges to kill or hurt others. There are therapists who can help you, it might not be the first one you try. Make sure you keep on telling them it’s not working, do not expect them to know this about you. Many people with chronic depression, suicide or homicidal desires hide it better than they realize. You are not going to upset or disappoint the therapist, they need to know what is not working so they can make adjustments.

Search for a therapist here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us

DEPRESSION

Depression Quiz http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/mental-health-screen/patient-health

Bipolar Quiz (some people who have depression may also have bipolar disorder, where a person has periods of not only depression, but also periods of more energized, angry, or overly optimistic moods that cause other kinds of problems) http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/mental-health-screen/mood-disorder

Kevin Breel: Confessions of a depressed comic – depression is not always that easy to see

Depression: The Secret We Share – Tedtalk by Andrew Solomon – “The opposite of depression is not happiness, but vitality, and it was vitality that seemed to seep away from me in that moment.” In a talk equal parts eloquent and devastating, writer Andrew Solomon takes you to the darkest corners of his mind during the years he battled depression. That led him to an eye-opening journey across the world to interview others with depression — only to discover that, to his surprise, the more he talked, the more people wanted to tell their own stories.

Positive Activity Jackpot App – Finding positive activities can be hard when depressed, but are an important part of building healthy habits to combat depression, here’s an app to help http://t2health.dcoe.mil/apps/positiveactivityjackpot

T2 Mood Tracker App http://t2health.dcoe.mil/apps/t2-mood-tracker

EATING DISORDERS

National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA) – hotline, chat support, and other resources – https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/help-support/contact-helpline

Overeating or emotional eating – http://www.helpguide.org/articles/eating-disorders/binge-eating-disorder.htm

GAMBLING

National Problem Gambling Helpline – CALL or TEXT the gambling hotline at 1-800-522-4700

or check out their website to find info and local state by state resources: https://www.ncpgambling.org/

GRIEF & LOSS

The Christi Center – http://christicenter.org/ – Austin, TX and Williamson County

Individual therapy referrals, FREE support groups, specialized group for kids, teens, adults, complicated losses such as death from a crime or suicide, and loss of a child.

The Christi Center Calendar: http://christicenter.org/calendar/

Bereaved Parents USA http://www.bereavedparentsusa.org/

National Alliance for Grieving Children http://www.nationalallianceforgrievingchildren.org/

Coping With Grief Booklet (http://christicenter.org/2014/02/new-coping-with-grief-booklet/) For you who have experienced the death of someone you love, also for those who are looking for what to say and how to support others in their grief.

Coping with Holidays After the Death of a Loved One (http://christicenter.org/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/HOLIDAY-BILL-OF-RIGHTS-FOR-THOSE-EXPERIENCING-GRIEF.pdf

More Grief websites and books: http://fullcirclegc.org/grief-resources/

HEALTH CONDITIONS

There are endless options out there, which can be overwhelming, and so many invalid resources. The American Chronic Pain has compiled a wonderful (not exhaustive) list of reputable resources for a host of medical conditions, pain disorders, and general life resources.

A link for resources of all kinds of health and medical conditions by type (From Alzheimer’s to Shingles and more) here

Adjusting to a disability – http://www.disabilityroad.org/adjusting.html

Live will with a disability: How to Cope with Limitations, Overcome Challenges, and Build a Fulfilling Life

CHRONIC PAIN
Jon Kabat-Zin on Chronic Pain

Restorative Yoga for Pain – https://yogainternational.com/article/view/restorative-yoga-for-chronic-pain

Mindfulness can reduce radically reduce pain. Here is a helpful article with details, and link to a mindfulness course MINDFULNESS FOR PAIN here

Often, we make pain worse by fighting it. Clenching, tightening, or having anxiety in anticipation of the pain. So, not only is there pain, but we have added distress, and physiological arousal that actually makes the original pain. It is human nature to do this, and an impulse, which is not helpful. We have many impulses that are natural, but not always the best or most effective response. For example, we have an impulse to lash out at a loved one when they hurt or anger us. Acting on that impulse may feel good for a split second, but usually makes the problem and the relationship worse. And we can’t unsay or undo it. So curbing that impulse is better. Likewise, if we fight pain, it makes it worse. A simple example is clenching and tightening when we get a shot. We might even breathe faster, start thinking “OMG this is going to hurt” which also increases our distress. That anxiety and fear of the needle stick causes these reactions, but these all actually makes the pain of the shot much worse. Taking a deep breath, relaxing our muscles, and not fighting the shot, makes the pain of the shot much less painful. Saying calming, accepting statements like “It will be a short pain, but it will be over quickly” make the experience much more bearable. Mindfulness strategies are a way of becoming aware of our pain as well as our cognitive or bodily reactions to help us accept rather than fight it, and not make that pain worse, thus making the pain shorter and more bearable.

Pain is inevitable; Suffering is optional – article by Dan Mager

PAIN, ADDICTION & MENTAL HEALTH- the connection of avoiding feelings avoiding pain, and emotional conditions like depression, addiction, emotional eating, anxiety, panic in a TedTalk with Amy Dalton called Finding Freedom in Facing Pain

JUST FOR FUN & INSPIRATION

Triple your memory with this trick

Living Beyond Your Limits – Amy Purdy

INSOMNIA

Sleep is so important not only for our physical health, but also our mental health. Good sleep refuels us, builds our immune system, and keeps us resilient. If you are having problems going to sleep, or staying asleep, it is critical that you address it. Sleep deprivation can feed depression, low mood and anxiety. Sometimes the root is medical, sometimes it is psychological, and sometimes it is bad habit related (whether that is bad mental habits or physical habits), and sometimes it is fear of nightmares or trauma related. Exploring what the cause of your sleep issues is really important.

My first recommendation is to always get a physical and a sleep study, to ensure there a no underlying medical conditions causing your sleep issues, because it could be anything from a medication side effect to sleep apnea…each of which would require a different intervention. Sleep apnea often uses a device called a CPAP machine and/or weight loss, depending on the cause of the apnea, and CBT or changing you bedtime routine will not help these.

Medication is not a long-term solution for sleep problems. While medication might be helpful in the short-term, I encourage you to dig a little deeper and try other options besides just medication. Also, beware of some of the side effects of sleep medications, especially if you drink alcohol or take certain medication. Go over all your medications, alcohol and drug habits with your doctor and pharmacist if you are going to take sleep medications.

CBT for insomnia (abbreviated CBT-I) is a short-term treatment that has been shown to be extremely effective for insomnia. The National Sleep Foundation can give you more details. There are many therapists who specialize in this, and there are many online programs that teach it. I don’t want to promote any specific company, so if you do a web search for “online course for CBT Insomnia” you will find all kinds of good options.

Sleep Hygiene – habits that will make it much easier for your body to sleep – sleep cycles and biological rhythms are a real thing. Since the invention of electricity, we have been able go against our body and nature’s natural tendencies. Before electricity, we woke up with the sunlight and went to bed not long after dark. The natural changes in light triggered our bodies to wake and rest, and there was a consistent pattern that helped us both get triggered to get sleepy and to wake up. Just like eating at the same time every day triggers our stomach to get hungry and remind us to eat, going to bed and waking up at the same time can build our body’s ability to trigger us to both go to bed and wake up. However, with lights, and televisions, and phones and laptops, we can get too much stimulation and our brain thinks it is still daytime. So it is harder to go to sleep and we tend to not let ourselves sleep enough.

I’m a big fan of sleep hygiene. Regardless of the root cause/s of your insomnia, having good sleep hygiene is a good idea. So start with these…Here is a link to strategies to ensure you are using good habits, and capitalizing on our biological rhythms to help you sleep.

Sleep Hygiene – 10 habits to help you sleep

Sleep Hygiene Worksheet by Oxford Clinical Psychology – a short and sweet checklist to use.

Additionally, if your mind races at bedtime, because you are either so busy during the day, a natural over-worrier, or you tend to be an avoider, bedtime is the time where your mind and avoided thoughts and feelings can jump in and get your attention. Avoiding things do not make them go away. When your mind is racing with worries or avoided memories, it activates your nervous system, and that it the last thing you need at bed time. You need your nervous system to wind down. In addition to use using sleep hygiene strategies to calm and down regulate your energies and nervous system, I recommend a few things if this is the culprit that keeps you up at bedtime:

Create a dedicated worry time or journal during the day. Write, talk aloud to self or someone else, the things you are concerned about. Sometimes just expressing them is enough to provide relief. Often just hearing or reading your worries allows your problem solving self to either put it in perspective or give you a quick solution and you no longer need to worry about it because you now have a plan for the worry. (ie – I’m worried about this upcoming job interview. If I practice an interview with my friend next week I’ll feel better. I’m going to text him now and see if he has time to meet with me and give me feedback on my interview style.) Additionally, I recommend keeping a pad of paper or notebook and pen by your bed. If something keeps repeating in your head (often it is your mind trying to make sure you don’t forget to do something or take care of something), write it down, then your mind knows you will not forget it, and that you will address it in the morning. If these do not work, consider seeing a therapist who specializes in anxiety.

If you are having nightmares, you may have untreated or unresolved trauma or issues from your past that need addressed. If you have not fully worked through them or dealt with them, or are a big daytime avoider of certain thoughts or memories, they don’t go away, they just wait an show up in your dreams. I recommend seeing a therapist who understands and works with trauma. You can also talk with your doctor about medication for nightmares. However, I do not recommend only medication. Medication plus therapy is the best route for a long-term effective solution.

LEARNING DISORDERS

Dyslexia – Learning Ally – a national non-profit dedicated to helping students with print disabilities, including blindness, visual impairment and dyslexia.

Dysgraphia (writing difficulties) – https://www.understood.org/en/learning-attention-issues/child-learning-disabilities/dysgraphia/understanding-dysgraphia

The Scottish Rite Learning Center of South Texas – (a Texas Non-Profit Corporation) is a charitable foundation created by the San Antonio Scottish Rite Bodies of Freemasonry. It was created and dedicated to assisting children with learning disabilities. Training for kids and also training for those seeking training to become specialists in helping kids with learning disorders. The Take Flight program is free for students. As contributions are made available to the Learning Center, continued expansion of the new program throughout South Texas will be pursued, and more and more children can be helped. Inquiries and contributions are solicited. Phone (210) 222-0133 in San Antonio or toll-free (866) 222-9293.

Learning Disabilities Association of America (LDA)

National Center for Learning Disabilities – Has resources for parent, young adults, and educators as well as advocacy and legal rights info

Article with links: Top 12 Websites for Children with Learning Disabilities

Resources for college students with Learning Disabilities

LGBTQ+

Sexual and gender identity are important areas of human functioning, but not everyone has a safe place, safe families, or accepting friends. For some, the price of even considering talking openly has high stakes, from risk or fear of losing family relationships, important relationships, religious community, jobs, harassment at jobs, or neighborhood social acceptance. Depression and suicide rates are higher due to the increased bullying, fear, lack of acceptance, judgment, and holding information in and feeling overwhelmed. Don’t carry these feelings alone. Don’t stay stuck in depression, or cope with drugs, alcohol, or suicide. It is critical that you find trusted safe people to support your exploration of your sexual and gender identity. There are people who accept you, who want to support you. Find them. Stick with them. You need people who take you and your suffering seriously. If you can’t tolerate the search process or are seriously considering suicide. Call the Trevor Life line at 1-866-488-7386 , OR call a therapist and make an emergency appointment, AND if you can’t wait for that…dial 9-11, or go to your nearest ER. Often, there are people around you who are safe, but if not, there are many online resources. Many towns have centers or organizations you can go to, and going to see a therapist is also a safe place, where privacy is legally required, therapists cannot disclose anything you share to others. They cannot even share that you come to see them. In addition to family, culture, or religious teachings that may impact or impede your comfort with exploring your sexual or gender identity, every family has its codes of sex, gender, and sexuality. Some families share openly and directly about this, but generally, families messages and expectations around these areas are unspoken (ie; “sex is bad” or “sex is only for pro-creation” “women dress like that” “men don’t cry” or “men only have these professions,” etc. Understanding how these influence you are important to explore too. We can often get bound by expectations that we didn’t even realize were influencing us. Additionally, if you have had any type of sexual trauma, unwanted sexual experience, or confusing sexual experience, with no one healthy to talk to about it, it can impact your view or comfort with sex and sexuality. Consider talking to a therapist if any of these have happened. If you feel uncomfortable talking about this with your therapist, check first to make sure its not just you being nervous to open up about these things, share your discomfort and even ask them directly how they feel talking about sex or sexuality or gender. Some therapists mention these things on their website, they might mention somethings about sexual or mentions terms like “sex positive” or “sex affirming” which indicates they are very comfortable working with you in these areas. Some therapists are trained as sex therapists, but explore if they also work with sexual identity or gender identity or transgender. Some sex therapists solely focus on comfort with sex itself and not as much on identity, exploration, or working out understanding yourself and how your upbringing, family, or society is impacting you. Some therapists have minimal websites or work at a center where someone else makes their website, so you can even just call and ask them if they are experienced in this area on your call before you schedule your first appointment with them. You should be able to tell quickly from their reply if you will feel comfortable with them. Regardless, that first visit will tell you fairly quickly if the therapist is someone you could imagine yourself opening up to. If not, schedule with someone else! Sometimes you have to shop around a little to find a good fit.

It is critical to have support and acceptance. Seek it in person in your community, in a local therapist, and online.

The Trevor Lifeline ( 24/7 confidential hotline) – If you are feeling suicidal, or have been bullied or need to talk to someone, Dial 1-866-4-U-TREVOR or 1-866-488-7386

They also have text support, chat support, and other great support options on their website: www.thetrevorproject.org

More encouragement videos by the It Gets Better Project here (60,000+ to be precise!) https://itgetsbetter.org/stories/

Here is a great page with links for finding support options: https://www.healthyplace.com/gender/glbt-mental-health/gay-support-where-to-find-lgbt-help-and-support-groups

LIFE TRANSITIONS

How to Make the Most of Your Life Transitions by Dr. Shannon Kolakowski http://www.huffingtonpost.com/shannon-kellogg-psy-d/life-transitions-identity_b_3456314.html

Keys to Handling Life’s Transitions by Robert Taibbi
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fixing-families/201307/keys-handling-lifes-transitions

Adjusting to life in America
http://www.fordham.edu/academics/office_of_the_provos/international_educat/office_for_internati/resources/cross_cultural_adjus_74672.asp

Third Culture Kids – Denizen website is a resource for people who were raised in a country they were not born in, because adjusting to life in a country you’re not familiar with can be challenging, and feeling like you never belong anywhere is hard
http://www.denizenmag.com/2011/09/5-ways-to-adjust-to-american-culture/

MEDICATION

When should you consider medication for your child’s mental health? http://www.appleseedmentalhealth.com/blog/2014/02/17/when-should-you-consider-medication-for-your-childs-mental-health

Mental Health Medication https://www.nami.org/Learn-More/Treatment/Mental-Health-Medications

Medication, therapy or both? http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/mental-illness/basics/treatment/con-20033813

Depression – In some cases, medication may be necessary http://www.webmd.com/depression/features/break-the-cycle

Medications to help with substance use disorders (alcohol, opiates (pain killers), heroin) https://www.drugabuse.gov/publications/principles-adolescent-substance-use-disorder-treatment-research-based-guide/evidence-based-approaches-to-treating-adolescent-substance-use-disorders/addiction-medications

Which Quit Smoking medication is right for you? https://smokefree.gov/explore-medications

Discontinuing your medication? What you need to know: http://psychcentral.com/lib/discontinuing-psychiatric-medications-what-you-need-to-know/

MEN

The Good Men Project – http://goodmenproject.com/ – Exploring the world of men and manhood, tackling the issues and questions that are most relevant to men’s lives. Guys today are neither the mindless, sex-obsessed buffoons nor the stoic automatons our culture so often makes them out to be. Our community is smart, compassionate, curious, and open-minded; they strive to be good fathers and husbands, citizens and friends, to lead by example at home and in the workplace, and to understand their role in a changing world.

Philip Zimbardo: The Demise of Guys? (great little clip on men and relationships in our current age) Good info not only if you are raising a child in the current age of any gender, and the impact of digital media on having real relationships and real intimacy with real people in real time.

MILITARY & VETERANS

Life Armor App http://t2health.dcoe.mil/apps/lifearmor

T2 Mood Tracker App http://t2health.dcoe.mil/apps/t2-mood-tracker

Military Kids Connect – online community for military children where they can learn about deployments, recognize and share feelings, and develop coping skills http://militarykidsconnect.dcoe.mil/

Returning to family life after deployment http://www.realwarriors.net/active/afterdeployment/familylife.php

Returning to single life after deployment http://www.militaryonesource.mil/phases-single-life?content_id=266851

PANIC ATTACKS

NIMH Resources https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/panic-disorder-when-fear-overwhelms/index.shtml

Video on “The Panic Trick” by Dr. David Carbonell explains how panic is a trick, and how you can use this knowledge to achieve recovery from panic and phobias

(The info in this video is also useful if you have PTSD)

PARENTING

No-Drama Discipline; The Whole-Brain Way to Calm the Chaos and Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind by Daniel J. Siegel, M.D. and Tina Payne Bryson, Ph.D.This book has great examples of typical parent/child events, common reactive parental responses, and small easy tweaks in your responses tthat can improve your child’s resiliency and well-being. (and they use comic book style examples – awesome!)

http://www.drdansiegel.com/books/no_drama_discipline/

Make A Difference: Talk to Your Child About Alcohol – Parents Booklet http://pubs.niaaa.nih.gov/publications/MakeADiff_HTML/makediff.htm

Helping your gamer kiddo to exercise http://lifehacker.com/superhero-workout-turns-exercise-into-a-game-is-now-ou-1666205135

Parents: Help Your Teen Party Right at Graduation http://pubs.niaaa.nih.gov/publications/GraduationFacts/graduationFact.htm

Fall Semester—A Time For Parents To Discuss the Risks of College Drinking http://pubs.niaaa.nih.gov/publications/CollegeFactSheet/back_to_collegeFact.htm

ONLINE COURSES for parents from an attachment perspective: www.mindsightinstitute.com

A list of books for parents raising a multi-racial child (many good ones out there, but here is a targeted short list) https://www.parenting.com/toddler/childcare-education/mom-suggests-building-biracial-kids-self-esteem-these-books

Raising Girls – https://amysmartgirls.com/

RACE & ETHNICITY (Racial identity, race based stress/trauma, bi-racial or multi-racial identity, dual cultures as an immigrant)

Tips for coping well with race based stress https://chronicle.umbmentoring.org/10-healthy-strategies-youth-can-use-to-cope-with-racial-discrimination/

More strategies for coping with race-based stress http://keyconversationsradio.com/a-prescription-to-cope-with-race-related-stress/

Immigration – “On Integration, The Struggles of The Second Generation” by Theresa Yu talks about being a child of a family who immigrated (2nd generation immigrant), coping with the unique challenges of dual culture, having the culture of your family while being raised in another culture/society, and coping with these identity challenges

5 Ways to Adjust to American Culture by Alan Montecillo

How to Adjust to American Culture for Immigrants by Charbel en espanol – Estas Pensando Mudarte a los Estados Unidos? Mi Experiencia + Algunos Tips Para Que Funcione

For leaders, teachers, and parents to reduce school bullying to new English learners (applies to most bullying situations) 8 Tips to Protect ELLs from Bullying in Your Classroom and School

If any of these issues and adjustments lead to lingering low mood, reduced performance, numbness, low grade depression, unrelenting anxiety, or suicidal or aggressive thoughts, contact a therapist and schedule a session. It’s not good to stay stuck in these states, and a therapist can help.

Listen to artist Damon Davis who became inspired from the protests in Ferguson, Missouri, after police killed Michael Brown in 2014, where he found not only anger but also a sense of love for self and community. Check out his documentary “Whose Streets?” that tells the story of the protests from the perspective of the activists who showed up to challenge those who use power to spread fear and hate. https://www.whosestreetsfilm.com/

RELATIONSHIPS

This is a really great tool for improving communication. It works great for any topic, but really helpful for hot topics (but practice on non-hot topics first!)

FIND YOUR ATTACHMENT STYLE:

Attachment Styles and Close Relationships QUIZ (brief) http://www.web-research-design.net/cgi-bin/crq/crq.pl

Relationship Attachment Style TEST (a little longer) http://psychologytoday.tests.psychtests.com/take_test.php?idRegTest=3265

How to Stop Attachment Insecurity from Ruining Your Love Life – http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_to_stop_attachment_insecurity_from_ruining_your_love_life

Love is NOT enough. http://observer.com/2015/03/love-is-not-enough/

7 Unexpected Questions to Ask before Marriage or Engagement https://www.bustle.com/articles/94061-7-unexpected-questions-to-ask-your-partner-before-getting-engaged-or-walking-down-the-aisle

Love Quiz: Do You Really Know Your Partner? https://www.gottman.com/how-well-do-you-know-your-partner/

Why Men Have Difficulty in Relationships http://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/the-good-life-why-men-have-trouble-with-intimacy/#!oQ6q2

ATTACHMENT BOOKS & DVD’s by Dan Siegel http://www.drdansiegel.com/books_and_more/

Sex, connection, and intimacy

Pillow Play app – Intimacy for Busy Couples – http://pillow.io/#

The Secret To Desire In a Long Term Relationship (according to Esther Perel – therapist) https://www.ted.com/talks/esther_perel_the_secret_to_desire_in_a_long_term_relationship?language=en

Sex Personality Test http://psychologytoday.tests.psychtests.com/take_test.php?idRegTest=1613

15 Undeniable Signs You Are in An Abusive Relationship by Wendy Kay

There are many kinds of abusive relationships, and do not have to involve physical abuse to be an abusive relationship. They can occur in any gender, sexual orientation, or socioeconomic class. Also, usually abusers start out one way and slowly work their way into controlling you, strategically neglecting you, scaring or hurting you. Don’t beat yourself up if you didn’t see it. Anyone can be prey to these manipulative tactics. And don’t count on them to ever admit this is what they are doing. The more you learn, the harder it is for them to work on you. You can call a hotline for guidance or help. You may also need to go to a therapist to help you. Often you still care about them and love them and have a hope for the future…and a therapist can help guide you to decide what to do or how to cope. If a controlling partner will not let you go to therapy 1) see that as another sign they are afraid if you learn more or connect to others that they will no longer get to have you around to mistreat 2) tell them you are going for something else (anxiety, depression, low motivation/energy – all things you are likely experiencing) 3) If he/she insists on going with you or demanding you record the session, ask the therapist on a call to have some alone time so your entire session is not just with him present, or tell them ahead of time your partner is controlling and asking you to record but you don’t want to. Your therapist can likely help you with those boundaries and say no to the recording for you if you can’t. 4) You do not need to tell them the full details of the individual sessions, even if he/she demands it. Tell them some safer topics you shared, but not anything that could get you hurt. (ie – we talked about how to better handle my boss, better manage my time, breathing exercises to relax NOT how afraid I am of you, I’m thinking of leaving you, etc.)

21 Big Signs of Emotional Abuse You May Be Overlooking By Natalia Avdeeva

Article: You’re Not Crazy, But Emotional Abuse Can Make You Think You Are

If you are experiencing any kind of abuse in a relationship, and would like to talk to someone about it, you can call the hotline available 24/7 by calling 1-800-799-7233

or you can chat live on their website from 7 a.m. to 2 a.m. Central time

If are feeling unsafe, create a safety plan, if creating or researching a plan online is risky, use safe website resources that have a quick Escape! button while you are researching safety options, like SAFE Austin

Their site has a red “escape” button at the top of the page if your abuser is walking by and you are fearful he or she might see you and abuse you for being on the site. An abuser wants to keep you afraid and not reaching out to others who might support you, teach you you are worth being treated better, or question his or her right to call all the shots.

Remember, in physically abusive relationships, leaving can be the most dangerous time, and you run the risk of getting killed in some situations. If you fear this is you, be careful in your exit planning process, use your resources, either of the numbers or sites above.

RELIGIOUS ABUSE

Religious or spiritual abuse can be something that occurs at a small level (in a romantic relationship, friendship, or family) or at a larger level like a religious group or cult or commune that involves larger numbers of people. Religious abuse is the use of religious rules and ideas to control or manipulate, guilt or punish or scare others for the benefit of one or some people at the expense of the other. Often people do not realize this is occurring, especially in the larger groups, due to the the nature of the rules, everyone seeming to be in agreement (even if out of fear), and a desire not to hurt God or be immoral, be a good person, or go to hell, etc. Healthy religion and spirituality involves no control, and spiritual/religious exploration is a deeply personal journey of someone seeking to understand connection, the spiritual nature of life, and questions of meaning, purpose, and humanity and exploring the question of creator, spirit, values, etc. Healthy religious groups may have traditions, but they are a means to an end of spiritual experience or connection, and not rigidly required behaviors that could lead to punishment, degradation, verbal abuse, physical abuse, or threats of loss of support or relationships.

Spiritual abuse is not limited to a certain religion or denomination. Any person, of any belief system, is capable of perpetrating spiritual abuse, just as anyone can be the victim of it. Signs of spiritual abuse between intimate partners include when an abusive partner:

ridicules or insults the other person’s religious or spiritual beliefs
prevents the other partner from practicing their religious or spiritual beliefs
uses their partner’s religious or spiritual beliefs to manipulate or shame them
forces the children to be raised in a faith that the other partner has not agreed to
uses religious texts or beliefs to minimize or rationalize abusive behaviors (such as physical, financial, emotional or sexual abuse/marital rape)

If you are experiencing religious abuse, and would like to talk to someone about it, you can call the hotline available 24/7 1-800-799-7233 or you can chat live on their website from 7 a.m. to 2 a.m. Central time

Dawn Smith on her experiences in a religious cult

SOCIAL ANXIETY DISORDER

An overview of symptoms and some treatment options https://www.health.harvard.edu/newsletter_article/treating-social-anxiety-disorder

Social Anxiety Alliance https://socialanxietyinstitute.org/what-is-social-anxiety

Online courses https://thiswayup.org.au/how-do-you-feel/shy/

SEVERE MENTAL ILLNESS

National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) https://www.nami.org/ Resources for both individuals with mental illness, and those that love them

STOP SMOKING

SmokefreeTXT – a text messaging service designed for adults and young adults across the United States who are trying to quit smoking. The program was created to provide 24/7 encouragement, advice, and tips to help smokers quit smoking and stay quit. SignUp: http://smokefree.gov/smokefreetxt

Find a quit method that works for you: http://smokefree.gov/explore-quit-methods

Which Quit Smoking medication is right for you? https://smokefree.gov/explore-medications

Clinical Hypnosis to help you stop smoking?

-research shows it is a side-effect free effective method

-just make sure you choose someone who is certified in CLINICAL hypnosis

American Society of Clinical Hypnosis – https://www.asch.net/Public/CertificationInformation/FindCertifiedProfessionals.aspx

TRAUMA & PTSD

National Center for PTSD – videos for those with PTSD, wonder if they have PTSD, and for family members of someone who has PTSD http://www.ptsd.va.gov/apps/AboutFace/

PTSD Quiz http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/mental-health-screen/ptsd

SUBSTANCE USE PROBLEMS (ALCOHOL & DRUG USE)

Am I Drinking Too Much? QUIZ – http://rethinkingdrinking.niaaa.nih.gov/IsYourDrinkingPatternRisky/WhatsYourPattern.asp

Online TOOLS to help evaluate or manage your drinking – http://rethinkingdrinking.niaaa.nih.gov/ToolsResources/ToolsMain.asp

Alcohol Overdose: The Dangers of Drinking Too Much http://pubs.niaaa.nih.gov/publications/AlcoholOverdoseFactsheet/Overdosefact.htm

College Drinking – (where those predisposed to alcoholism can get their start) http://www.collegedrinkingprevention.gov/

Drinking & Pregnancy http://pubs.niaaa.nih.gov/publications/DrinkingPregnancy_HTML/pregnancy.htm

Alcohol and Aging QUIZ: http://nihseniorhealth.gov/alcoholuse/alcoholandaging/quiz/question_1.html

Alcohol and the Hispanic Community http://pubs.niaaa.nih.gov/publications/HispanicFact/HispanicFact.ht